The Princess Bride

Some of my favorite quotes from my favorite movie. These are all from memory, so they may not be 100% accurate.

Inigo: "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Westley: "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours."

Humperdink: "Surrender!"
Westley: "You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept."

Buttercup: "Oh my sweet Westley, what have I done?"

Inigo: "Fezzik, where did we put the wheelbarrow the albino had?"
Fezzik: "Over the albino, I think."
Westley: "Well, why didn't you list that among our assests in the first place?"

Humperdink: "Man and wife, say man and wife!"

Man in Black: "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

Miracle Max: "I'll call the brute squad."
Fezzik: "I'm on the brute squad!"
Miracle Max: "You ARE the brute squad."

Grandson: "Is this a kissing book?"

Inigo: "It's funny, I have been in the revenge business for so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do with the rest of my life."

Westley: "We are men of action. Lies do not become us."

Humperdink: "You're a silly girl."
Buttercup: "Yes, I am a silly girl. For not having seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear."
Humperdink: "I would not say such things if I were you."
Buttercup: "Why not? You can't harm me. Westley and I are joined by the bonds of true love. And you cannot track that, not with a thousand bloodhounds. And you cannot break that, not with a thousand swords. And when I say that you are a coward it is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth."
Humperdink: "I would not say such things if I were you!"

Old Lady: "...So bow to her if you like. Bow to her. Bow to the queen of slime, the queen of filth, the queen of putresence! Boo! Boo! Rubish! Filth! Slime! Muck! Boo! Boo! BOO!!"

Westley: "Give us the gate key."
Yellin: "I have no gate key."
Inigo: "Fezzik, tear his arms off."
Yellin: "Oh, you mean this gate key."

Westley: "No. To the pain."
Humperdink: "I don't believe I'm familiar with that phrase."
Westley: "I'll explain, and I'll use small words so you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon."
Humperdink: "That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me."
Westley: "It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you lose is your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrist. Next your nose."
Humperdink: "Then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the first time, a mistake I do not mean to duplicate tonight."
Westley: "I wasn't finished. The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right."
Humperdink: "And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it."
Westley: "WRONG! Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. It's so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out 'Dear God, what is that thing' will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Grandson: "Grandpa, you read that part wrong. Buttercup doesn't marry Humperdink, she marries Westley. I'm just sure of it. After all that Westley's done for her, if she didn't marry him, it wouldn't be fair."
Grandpa: "Who ever said life is fair? Where is that written? Life isn't always fair."

Vezzini: "Am I going mad, or did the word THINK escape your lips?"

Buttercup: "Farmboy, fetch me that pitcher."
Westley: "As you wish."

Humperdink: "I'll send my 4 fastest ships, one in each direction. The Dread Pirate Roberts is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll raise the white flag and deliever your message. If Westley wants you, bless you both. If not, please consider me as an alternative to suicide."

Vezzini: "We are but poor, lost circus performers. Is there a village nearby?"
Buttercup: "There is nothing nearby. Not for miles."
Vezzini: "Then there will be no one to hear you scream."

Humperdink: "There was a mighty duel. The loser ran off alone, while the winner followed those footprints towards Gilder."
Rugen: "Shall we track them both?"
Humperdink: "No. The loser means nothing. Only the princess matters."

Buttercup: "He can track a falcon on a cloudy day, he can find you."

Inigo: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Man in Black: "In that case I challenge you to a battle of wits."
Vezzini: "For the princess? To the death? I accept."

Grandpa: "Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that rated the most passionate, the most pure... this one left them all behind."

Buttercup: "You mocked me once, never do it again. I died that day. And you can die too for all I care."
Man in Black: "...As....You.....Wish..."

Humperdink: "Unless I am wrong, and I am never wrong, they are headed dead into the fire swamp."

Grandpa: "She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time."
Grandson: "What?"
Grandpa: "The eel doesn't get her. See, I'm explaining to you because you look nervous."
Grandson: "I wasn't nervous... Maybe a little concerned, but it's not the same thing."
Grandpa: "Because we can stop now if you want."
Grandson: "No, you can keep reading a little farther, if you want to."

Buttercup: "What about the ROUS'S?"
Westley: "Rodents of unusual size? I don't believe they exist."

Vezzini: "Remember this, never forget this... when I found you you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't even buy brandy!"

Rugen: "You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengance. It's going to get you into trouble some day."

Inigo: "That is the sound of ultimate suffering."

Miracle Max: "I make him better Humperdink suffers?"
Inigo: "Humiliations galore."
Miracle Max: "Now that is a noble cause. Give me the 65. I'm on the job!"

Westley: "Why won't my arms move?"
Fezzik: "You've been mostly dead all day."

Albino: "The Pit of Despair! Don't even think... (ahem) don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. No dream of being rescued either. The only way in is secret. Only the prince, the count, and I know the way in and out."

Humperdink: "My people, a month from now our country will celebrate its 500th anniversary. On that sundown I will marry a lady who was once a commoner like yourselves. But perhaps, you shall not find her common, now... Would you like to meet her?"
Crowd: "Yeahhh!!!"
Humperdink: "My people, the Princess...Buttercup"

Inigo: "Are you the Miracle Max who worked for the king all those years?"
Miracle Max: "The king's stinking son fired me. And thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"

Westley: "Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Buttercup?"

Valerie: "Liar! L-i-a-r!!!!"
Miracle Max: "Get back, witch!"
Valerie: "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife. But after what you just said I'm not even sure I want to be that anymore."

Inigo: "Offer me anything I ask for."
Rugen: "All that I have and more...please"
Inigo: "I want my father back, you [s-o-b]!" (sorry, I don't like to cuss)

Westley: "Not bad. I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely."

Mother: "Your grandpa's here."
Grandson: "Oh, mom, can't you tell him I'm sick?"
Mother: "You're sick? That's why he's here."

Grandpa: "When I was your age, television was called books."

Valerie: "Bye bye boys, have fun storming the castle! Think it'll work?"
Miracle Max: "It'd take a miracle."

Fezzik: "How long before we know if the miracle worked?"
Westley: "I'll beat you each apart! I'll take you both together!"
Fezzik: "I guess not very long."

Man in Black: "If you're in such a hurry you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do."
Inigo: "I could do that. I still have some rope up here. But I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around here to kill you."
Man in Black: "That does put a damper on our relationship."
Inigo: "But, I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top."
Man in Black: "That's very comforting, but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."
Inigo: "I hate waiting. I could give you my word as a Spaniard."
Man in Black: "No good. I've known too many Spaniards."
Inigo: "There's no way you would trust me?"
Man in Black: "Nothing comes to mind."
Inigo: "I swear on the soul of my father, Domingo Montoya, you will reach the top alive."
Man in Black: "Throw me the rope."

Westley: "Ha, your pig fiancee is too late. A few more steps and we'll be safe in the fire swamp."
Buttercup: "We'll never survive."
Westley: "Nonsense, you're only saying that because no one ever has."

Rugen: "You must be that little Spanish brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago."

Miracle Max: "True love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice MLT. Mutton lettuce and tomato sandwich. When the mutton is sliced nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe. They're so perky. I love that."

Man in Black: "I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake, but in the meantime, rest well and dream of large women."

Rugen: "Get some rest. If you haven't got your health you haven't got anything."

Inigo: "Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?"
Fezzik: "If there are, we'll all be dead."
Vezzini: "No more rhymes now, I mean it."
Fezzik: "Anybody want a peanut?"
Vezzini: "Deeeaahh!"

Man in Black: "So you mean you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?"

Go back to Erin's page!
These pages were created by Erin Loos. glazeddoughnut@hotmail.com